Saturday, June 30, 2012

OMG nursing strike!!

Someone pls help mee!!!
Marissa refuseeee breastfeeding today!!
Feel so sad!
What should i do?
Ive tried skin to skin and few others and she still refused!!!
I hate my job!
I hate u oncalls!!!
My baby doesnt want me anymore!!!

Im coming home

Im coming home..
Im coming home..
Tell d world im coming home..
Marissaaa mommy n daddy dh on the way!!!
Tunggu mommy n daddy ok?
Love u so much marissa darling!
Mommy bawak balik susu susu utk marissa jugak!hehe.Muahxxxx

Friday, June 29, 2012


Im currently in d ambulance heading back to hospital tanah merah..just sent a pt who came with gcs 11/15;BP 260/140..ct scan done in hrpz noted that he has a massive after discussed with ED physician and MO, we just transferred him to d redzone and they will refer him to neurosurgical team husm..
Before i went to send this pt i saw a 3 month old baby who came to casualty htm with inconsolable crying..upon examination he has obstructed ingiinal hernia..pity him..mesti sakit sangat sampai nangis non stop..i can feel his parents..dulu maybe i x rasa but after marissa lahir i become more sensitive with the babies..tgk diorg nangis terus teringat kat marissa and rase nak nangis jugak sebab rindu and of course worried jugak sebab tinggal die kan kat rumah with maid..satu lagi my husband and myself sangat risau nanti one day we come home after oncall marissa dh x recognize us..risau sngt..thats why im going to fill in the transfer form next hook or by crook i need to transfer back to hrpz 2 or else my marissa is coming to tanah merah with us...

Rindunya kat marissa

Miss my darling qaisara marissa so much!havent see her for 2 days already..sob2..thats d price that i have to sacrifice to be a doctor..:(
Tomorrow please come quick!cant wait to go home and cuddle my marissa!cant wait!if i am irresponsible of course i would drive straight away to kota bharu leaving everything to my ho..luckily i still have a bit of sense here..and hopefully today's oncall is not busy...hoping for few admissions and stable pls!pls take ur meds esp those diabetics,hypertension,ihd,copd pts...

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Oncall back to back

Yes..wont be cuddling and kissing my baby girl until doing a back to back oncall today and tomorrow..lets pray tht it will be a good oncall with only few admissions and no complicated cases..ameen..
Daddy marissa tak oncall hari ni so boleh jaga marissa for tonight..tomorrow daddy oncall so marissa is left with bibik and tok umi.. Esok ade la geng mommy nk g lunch n dinner..arini mkn nasi oncall yg dh bersemut tu je dh tutup..tapi mkn xkesah mane..i miss my qaisara marissa..tadi tango dengan die..tomei sangatttt..tapi pakai bajusama dgn 2 days ago..haish..


Hospital tanah merah provide satu bilik je utk mo for each gender lah..for mo pompuan yg 14 org ni mmg if lunch time penuh la and kalau kebetulan sume mo oncall pompuan aritu maknanya full bed..
Pastu pagi2 weekdays usually ade radicare dtg bersihkan sebab nk harapkan kiteorg mmg selamat lah xsempat..and kiteorg xde locker..barudapat pon 4 locker shre sume org so basically we trust each other n handbags letak camtu je so as other electronic devices...
Nak dijadikan cerita semalam ade sorang MO ni charge hphone die anx sebab ade pt need urgent attention die x amik lah hphone tu and terus turun tgk hphone ni..masa tu 7am plus..then at 10 baru masuk balik bilik oncall nk mandi sume and to her suprised hset die xde kat charge tu..tried to be optimistic die pon keluar tanye sister ward tu kot2 sister simpan..sekli sister cakap x simpan..pastu tanye ppk yang buat bedmaking aritu ade nampak x hphone die and die ckp die turun labour room and asked around..then kebtulan ade ppk sorang ni yang mmg aware ade doctor ilang hphone pergi kt belakang labour room whereby ade 2 cleaner tgh main2 hphone excitedly..die pon amik video sambil jalan and tunjuk kat doctor tu and asked her was that her tu mmg terus identified hphone die ajak that ppk pergi jumpe cleaner tu..
Masa jumpe tu terus cleaner tu semunyikkan hphone tu and when they were asked suruh kasi hphone,die kasi yg lame punye and xkasi pon yg diie main2 tu..lepas pushed a bit die pon kasi and when were asked to call that number of course la die x boleh..lepas tu bukak2 hset tu wallpaper gambar doctor tu and nama doctor ni jenis yg baek hati x marah pon and tanye elok2 kenapa nama die keluar kt hphone tu..hset sape actually?barula die mengaku curik from oncall room..
Kes camni patut report polis je kan???
I rase earphone i yg ilang aritu pon ntah2 org yg sama amik?huhu..patutnya mende ni shouldnt happened..kiteorg mmg kdg2 tgh wt presentation ke ape on laptop and when was informed pt collapsed ke,bleeding ke ape2 ke terus lompat turun katil amik tudung n nametag berlari g ward..mmg xsempat nak kens or amik diorg patutnya respect and tak amik kesempatan la sebab kiteorg first priority of course patient kalau ilang laptop sedig la kan sebab nak dapat duit tu mmg sacrifice bnyk mende..

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

3m.o vaccination

Marissa kene jab lagi sekali semalam..pastu malamnye badan panas sikit..hehe..maybe sebab mommy die pon xsehat jugak ni..demam with urti..
Yg bawak marissa g jab bukan mommy tp daddy..mommy xdapat cuti so daddy lah jaga baby qaisara marissa ni..hehe

Monday, June 25, 2012


Ive met few racist people while i was in ireland..tapi xpenah la jumpe yg racist sampai xnk kasi sentuh..
Semalam ade sorang patient masa collapse tu my ho of course la nk amik abg,set new branula bla bla bla kan..then one of the relatives stopped him and warned him not to touch the pt..they requested other doctors..kesian die..terpaksa die call org len..
Sy xpenah pulak dengar org islam xleh disentuh org bkn islam..tambah3 org yg nk tolong die..and bukan ke tu mcm mengambarkn hmmm..
Was oncalled yeterday..
Sampai2 je was informed by mo the previous day ade 2 unstable pts who need urgent referral..
I was intubated a pt in female ward when my specialist asked me to go and settled the pt in male ward..
Therefore i need to ask another person to come intubate d pt in female ward..anaes was busy in the ot while o&g was busy in d labour room..luckily casualty mo was quite inoccupied thus he came to a rescue...he intubated that pt while i went to intubate a pt in male ward..i didnt have much time to do ward rounds..i need to do everything quickly..had multiple issues while referring those to the husm and the other one was heading to hrpz..
I went to accompany that particular male pt to husm..his blood pressure was so labile..already on maximum triple inotropes..sangat cuak ok!afriad that he would passed away in d ambulance..sampai half way kat pasir mas oxygen tetibe buat hal..terpaksa la stop kejap tepi jalan settlekan oxygen tank semua tu..lepas tu seb baek ok..went there before azan zohor and arrived back in htm lepas azan asar...tak makan pape since morning and my godddd soooo hungryy kot..dah la x sempat nk pump..breast sgt engorged kot!sampai2 je i pg cari air and solat and pump..masa pump tu i dengar my precious ipod nano..lepas settle semua tu i had my breakfast and lunch n dinner around 530.thanks to my sis aisyah who bought me nasi with sup gear box...
Then lepas abis sume i went down to male ward to continue my rounds and tgk new case..after siap semua went back to oncall room only to notice that my earphone was gone!!!ipod nano ade je..try tgk dlm beg and sume mmg xde..pelik x earphone je ilang???asked my fellow colleague and die xde namoak yes..somevody stole my earphones!!!!!!!

Friday, June 22, 2012

d101 from ireland with love

.::yeay dapat baju cork satu!!!::.

.::tok umi and tokwan bought these for marissa...and some was given by ayah sop and acik sarah..hehe::.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

d100 : hantu

as a doctor i believe that setiap penyakit tu ada ubatnya dengan kuasa Allah insyaAllah akan sembuh...
and as a muslim i do believe that adanya makhluk Allah selain kita manusia.
i start keje ari ahad kan...
ari ahad tu i left marissa and my bibik kat rumah my auntie..
balik keje tu i pergi kbmall dulu amik my grandmother and pergi rumah my auntie..
then masa tu marissa nangis so i directly breastfeed her dalam kete..
masa tu x mandi lagi and still pakai baju keje...xleh nak avoid kan..
lagipon rindu sangat nak cuddle marissa...
malam tu marissa bangun kul 230 nangis kuat gile yg refuse breastfeed and refuse bottlefeed..
so we thought that maybe die kembung perut kot..
so kasi gripewater and tukar pampers sume lepas kul 4 baru ok..
monday tu i mandi dulu before i pegang marissa and i tak g hospital pon sebab ade course kat kb..
and still she woke up around 2am and started to nangis-inconsolable crying...
kul 4+ baru still we thought that she might has gassy stomach..
but this time we pasang ayat quran and die stop...
ayat quran kan soothing for the alhamdulillah she stopped crying..
peliknya lepas kul 5 or 6 die akan senyap and tdo..lepas tu siang ari and before 12am tu memang die main2 mcm usual..boleh feeding ok..
lepas tu tuesday daddy die we slept in my umi's room..
kul 1am she started to cry...memang yg refuse breastfeed and bottlefeed jugak..
stopped upon baca ayat kursi..
pastu mata die mcm staring je..
mcm nampak something pelik..
nangis ni yang sampai keluar air mata semua..
kesian sangat tapi xle nak buat..
my mom x tdo pon sebab jaga marissa..
lepas tu wednesday i was oncalled..
my mom tdo ngan my sister and yes she still crying,,,kul 1 je nangis..
memang pelik la kan..
so yes..
we were thinking of something else..
sebab automatic stop crying when kiteorg baca quran..
takut "something" is following me from the hospital and kacau marissa..
sebab the symptoms started since i start keje balik..
so semalam bawak marissa jumpe ustaz..
die kata ade "something" ikut i and kacau marissa..
die suruh baca ayat2 kursi 11x, al fatihah 11x, 4 qul 11x dan selawat ke atas nabi 11x selepas solat least sekali sehari..
that actually was the first differential...-mistik..
kita tak tahu betol ke x..tapi kalau pecaye takut syirik and khurafat kan..kita ikhtiar je and insyaAllah serahkan kepada Allah untuk tolong hamba-hambanya..

that was the first differential..
the second differential diagnosis - marissa merajuk..
maybe die merajuk sebab mommy die keje and tinggal die..
die kan 3months dok dengan mommy je siang malam..
then out of sudden kene tinggal from 7 till 6pm everyday and kalau oncall 7am till 6pm the next day....
so die merajuk sebab mommy tinggal die..
ade possibility kan?

3rd- kembung perut..
maybe die kembung perut..
tapi malam2 je?
maybe ebm yang dipanaskan tu masa i makan kacang sume so kembunglah die..

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

d99 :oncall

first oncall..
was called by casualty team at 2oclock with 4 new cases..
went to review a case in which ive told the fms who referred that case to me to directly send the patient to hrpz2 because she needs to be dialyse there...there is no emergency slot for dialysis in htm..and we cannot do peritoneal dialysis to that patient. she already developed a complication from prev pd.
that fms didnt tell that to the patient and she didnt give any options to that patient..she just directly send the patient to htm...
consequences?delayed treatment...
she was sent by the fms to hospital tanah merah which already took them few hrs to reach htm.. then it took them few hrs to be transferred to hrpz 2..
delayed treatment..
fms tu mesti takut nak refer case to kat hrpz2..nape nak takut eh?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

d98 : pre call syndrome

Pre call syndrome..
my husband is oncall today..
i need to drive alone from tm-kb today...
was quite tiring but it was not that bad..
i am independent lady..hehe..
drove my husband's kia sportage for the first time..
i dh kemaskan baju oncall and semua malam lagi sebab takut tertinggal..
owh and did i tell u that i need to send back my new iphone 4 to the celcom?
it has a defect...
sedih kan?
now im using my iphone 3g yang terjumpa dlm laci..ngeee

Monday, June 18, 2012

d97 : tok umi and tokwan

tok umi and tokwan dah sampai rumah...yeayy!!!
marissa rindu snagat2 tok umi and tokwan!
i didnt go to hospital tanah merah today..
i went to pejabat SUK instead...
i had sepsis management course today...
was a very good course actually..
really enjoyed it..=)

Sunday, June 17, 2012

d96 : first day at work

Was initially a bit nervous to go back to work..afraid that i would do any simple foolish mistake that would end up in catastrophic result.but alhamdulillah everything was quite okay.. everyone still recognizes me and i met with my new speacialist...hes very nice...tried my best to make a good first impression...the best thing about today was that everyone said that i looked like anak dara..hahaha..diorg cakap mcm x penah pregnant...ahaha..ade jugak yang kata kurus sangat x cantek..hehe..xkesah la as long as i am happy..ngeee...
my day was quite busy as compared to before..i had to rush to oncall room everytime i had a 10minutes-break to do a double pumping...last time i would normally enjoy the music from my ipod while lying down but today i had no time to lie precious lunch break was all dedicated to breast pumping..=D

Saturday, June 16, 2012

d95 : new iphone 4s in d house

Got a new iphone 4s..thanks hubby..=)
mood : excited

Friday, June 15, 2012

d94 : iphone 4 vs iphone 4s

samsung s3 is not my choice..
dh la mahal..
difference dengan samsung s2 xbanyak sangat pon..
xsuke sebab besar sikit even nipis pon..
am going for iphone..=D
Add Image

Thursday, June 14, 2012

exclusive breastfeeding

Next week dah start keje..
wondering if my ebm stock is enough for marissa..
kalau x oncall maybe cukup..
tapi oncall?
my milk production so far paling banyak 8oz..
tu pon early morning..
kalau petang mmg xsampai 3oz pon sometimes..
breastfeeding is not easy..
banyak challenges tapi kite kene kuat semangat and ikhlaskan niat..
utk dapatkan stok banyak ni i started to double pumping since my 1st week of pantang lagi..
i amik fenugreek everyday..
sometimes even minum moringa tea..
lepas tu minum plain water banyak2..
my mom suruh makan banyak2 jugak tapi im on diet.hahaha..
sebab experienced people cakap once berat badan dh naik memang sangat susah utk kurus balik..ngeeee
nyway hopefully ill be able to breastfeed marissa exclusively sampai 2 yrs..
sangat happy kot tgk die membesar dengan susu kite je..hehe..
and alhamdulillah sangat sebab my awesome husband pon fully support breastfeeding..
kalau sorang2 mmg dh lama give up ni..=)

d93 : oncall.

I am emotionally unwell..
I am going to start working again next week..
Im going to leave marissa with her nanny for at least 8hrs/day
Not to forget if im oncall-36hrs.
uhuk uhuk..
worst-i have 10days and im oncall 5 times during that duration..
so u can do a simple math here..5 in if we have 30days?15?ahahaha
what to do right?
crazy right?
but its my job. i have to do my job. i will do my job. im used to this before-minus a baby..
i hope my milk supply is enough for marissa cuz i want to exclusively breastfeed her..
i dont want to give cow's milk to her IF i have a choice...
doakan ye.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

d91 red velvet cake + caramel chocolate cake

Sape tahu kat mane kat kota bharu ade jual cakes ni?i dont have time to bake those but i want those sooooooo badly!

Monday, June 11, 2012

d90 breakfast

I miss my dear marissa...
been away from her for only couple hours and miss her so much..
cant imagine how im going to start working again next week..

Sunday, June 10, 2012

d89 pantang ais

orang2 tua cakap kene pantang ais sampai 100hari...opsss...saya sudah tersilap minum..hehe..mula2 buat tersilap je sampai sekarang dh curik2 minum..hahaha...orang2 tua cakap sebab sakit urat nanti waktu tua nanti..i dont really knw what sakit urat it rheumatoid arthritis?ape2 pon i knw tua2 nanti ill get arthritis due to my sedentary lifestyle-no exercise at all + unhealthy diet..lagipon org yang pantang2 tu sakit je i tengok?hahah...
pastu campor lak ngan my friend yang cakap die pantang ais sampai 40 hari je so ??pastu husband lak suruh minum sebab die cakap skarang ni musim panas..wahahahaa....mula2 i buat2 terminum air sejuk masa pergi my brother's engagement aritu..since then asek "tersilap" minum jer...satu hari tu siap tersilap minum slurpee lagi..blame my husband..he bought the slurpee!hahaha..
tapi finally i xleh nak tahan dah..hehehe..tertewas kat rumah my uncle who invited us for a dinner..i think ive mentioned it before..masa pergi hantar suraya..which was hari ke 80 pantang..ehehe.. bibik die buatkan air sirap ais yang sangat masyuk..hahaha..lepas tu sebab alang2 kat kl i sangat x tahan dah....akhirnya tewas dengan ICED CARAMEL MACCHIATO...- my alltime fav..omaigodd!!meleleh air liur..hahaha....tewas dengan iced caramel macchiato!dh la caffeine kan?hehe...tapi i mintak single shot je...hehe...bile la nak g kl ni semata2 utk iced caramel macchiato?or bile lah nak ade starbuck kat kelantan ni?hehe..nak bukak sendiri malas franchise tapi my dad is bringing new nespresso back home!my sweet and handsome brother bought it for us and its going to be real good coffee..yihaa!!!coffee addict unlike my but still i need iced caramel macchiato not coffee!hahaha...
depan my parents esp my mom of course im not taking any cold drink tapi belakang die seperti semalam waktu dinner with my beloved uncles and grandmother, i was purposedly ordered a glass of carrot juice..hahahaha...=D
so not strictly berpantang..masa 40 ai tu pon banyak mende jugak i curik2 makan..hahaha...

Saturday, June 9, 2012

d88 3days back to back oncall

.::marissa with abg harith and abg hafy::.

.::qaisara marissa::.

Hubby wont be home till tomorrow evening..he has been sleeping in the hospital since thursday.. its the price u have to pay if u want to be a doctor..he has been doing back to back oncall since we've been transferred to hospital tanah merah..its really tiring..and the fact that u wont see ur loved ones for few days make it more tiring-mentally and emotionally..hubby is upset, so do i..and of course marissa..i knw she misses her daddy so much..she is all smiling when she hears daddy's voice..shes already recognize daddy and mommy's afraid to go back to work next actually should be back to work by tomorrow but alhamdulillah im able to extend my leave after we met our afraid to go back as i knw once i go back to work ill be hecticly oncall and wont see marissa as much as i see her now..i wont be able to cuddle her and kiss her as much as i do at the gonna miss this afraid that once i start to oncall my baby wont recognize me afraid that she;ll be more attached to my maid rather than me..=(.so sad..
U'll able to treat ur patients but not ur family..patients need u more than ur family...u r going to spend ur time more in d hospital rather than home...
its the sacrifice that u need to make once u decided to become a doctor...

Thursday, June 7, 2012

d86 che noreen

.::che noreen's baby-ahmad and my qaisara marissa ::.

.::tengok lah betapa ganasnya marissa tdo::.

.::saye dh mandi!!::.

.::goregous smile specially dedicated to daddy::.

.::hi daddy::.

Alhamdulillah..marissa's temperature settling down..sempat kasi 2 doses je..tried to minimize medications usage husband of course totally disagreed..haha..die kata for medicine to be effective, we need to take it according to d dosage freq and at least a day...lalalala.. kalau ikutkan patutnye 6 hourly =4 times..hehe...

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

d85 high grade fever

post vaccination fever..high grade fever ok!!38.6!woke up this morning and rasa badan marissa panas..daddy dh pergi keje so brought her to my mom and my mom suruh tepid sponging stat.and of course paracetemol stat!seb baek feeding ok and active as xde la risau mane..tapi mmg tepid sponging whole day lah..
aunty jaja pon demam..aritu pergi terengganu tgk die and yesterday my mom and my dad pergi amik die sebab demam xsurut2..risau jugak sebab temperature aunty jaja sampai 40.5 kot!tinggi sangat tu...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

d84 pneumococcal vaccine

.::while waiting for our turn::.

.::marissa dh tahu nak kene cucuk pasni::.

.::marissa suke duduk dalam bumbo seat..::.

brought marissa to TMC clinic today and had her first pneumococcal vaccine..quite expensive but i rather pay than seeing her with streptococcus pneumoniae cost us rm275 for a dose..i dont know how it cost in other clinics..tmc is run by a paediactrician and obstetrician..=) haritu masa jaundice pon marissa pergi check kat sana least kat sini die buat full checkup kat marissa..examine lungs, heart, abdomen etcetera..kalau g klinik kesihatan utk amik jab mane diorg buat semua tu..memang lah both of us r doctors but we are not a paediatrician..takut termiss ape2 ke kan?