Fakta 1

Fakta Pertama

Aircond kat bilik adik saye kt atas rosak. So called electrician la kan repair. While was repairing d airconditioner tu, die terjumpe - tukul, gergaji, paku dan x sure amende tah satu lagi. Was left camtu je. Macam org nak pecah masuk ikut atap tapi failed. And i asked my sis, nape x report polis?
"report polis pon macam la dieorg buat something. Didnt do anything pun. Cam dulu rumah kite masuk pencuri then pencuri tu muke nampak gile through the CCTV and yet police x buat papepon.."
Then terfikir kejap, betul jugak kan? tapi mesti ade reason nape diorg xleh catch the pencuri kan?its not easy kan walaupon we did see the thief kat kedai makan kat depan lorong umah kiteorg. Tapi it actually happened few times. Kes2 kecurian kat kedai kiteorg, kat umah nenek and ours satu pon pencuri xdapat ditangkap walaupon evidence ade. Cam pelik jugak kan? Sampai kite ilang trust kat police tu kan?
Then i terfikir lagi, mungkin begitu agaknye some patients n relatives diorg yang datang hospital nak seek treatment tapi kiteorg xdapat treat him instead, he's getting worsen. Mungkin cam tu rasenye kan>same je kan? Mungkin its not as difficult as getting d right diagnosis to the right patient tapi mungkin masih susah kan?well xtau la tapi i do believe they are bunch of great policemen out there cume x jumpe je..=) Papepon thank u police for keep our country selamat walaupon x seselamat IRELAND.

life is full of suprises

6 months ago, i never tot that i would get married with my husband..
7 months ago, i never tot that i would join ortho as my 2nd posting
8 months ago, i never tot that i would get engaged with my husband..
9 months ago, i never tot i would celebrate raya with my family...
10 months ago, i never tot that i would meet my husband..
11 months ago i never tot that i would be working in HRPZ 2
12 months ago, i never tot that i really chose to come back serving malaysia citizens as a doctor
13months ago, i never tot that i chose malaysia as my workplace...

it happened really fast..few things i would have regretted for not having a thorough thought prior to making d decisions and few others i will always cherish..=)

ohooo

exhausted!!!!
xnak g keje esok!!
dah la oncall esok!
shit betol..
oncall active call lak esok!!
aaaaaaa
rs nak jerit kuat2 je..
just came back from ecah's wedding..
before that went to bukit merah lake town resort, penang, sunway lagoon and mini gath kat ole-ole bali sunway pyramid.patutnye pergi kl tower but due to a very limited time, mini gath tu buat kat sunway pyramid..
enjo0yin myself!
rindu sangat nak balik zaman dulu2..
how i wish i am still a medical student and not a doctor..
penat la jadi doktor..
=(
esok dh la oncal dgn tut tut..
aaastressss!!!!

mo

Ok sekarang saje jagaa nephro unit..with another friend of mine yang terpaksa cover ward 2nd class and 1st class.. dulu HOD cakap ward 2nd class and 1st class patutnye MO yang round bukan HO. SOrnag MO satu ward je jaga yang patient medical x sampai 10 orang pon. very sket kan?tapi keje satu pon xleh buat. Bos pesan discharge, blood sume MO yang amik ward 2nd class and 1st class. Dulu MO UD 52 pon buat discharge but ade sorang MO baru ni. well die HO yang kene retain jadi MO la.dulu dh buat MO call waktu die HO tapi die buat hal so didowngradekan jadi la HO balik then now BOS BESAR pergi course so bos sorang lagi retain la die.
xkesah la kan nak retain die.
tapi die ni management tah pape.
Pastu kalau ade patient collapse bukannye nak attend.
Ade je alasan die.
For example dulu saye la kene. Patient saye HCO3 8 jer. memang acidotic gile.patient dh gasping pon. no know renal problem pon before. no ssx of pulmonary oedema pon. i informed die kan. die cakap
" sory aina aku xleh dtg. ade patient kat klinik aku tgh tgk"
n i was like WTF?patient kat klinik stabil kot and u were in charged of that patient kot?
and then i pon cakap kat die i nak kasi HCO3. Then die cakap
"tuh KO Punye plan. aku xde plan. ko tulis plan ko. aku xnak kasi.ko tanye kak S.(another MO)"
and i was like WHAT THE F***?cam hellO?
then i consult akak tu akak tu lak sebab bukan patient die and nak lunch hr, die cakap "AINA SAYE XDE KAT HOSPITAL"
padahal sah2 die kat bilik oncall.hahaha.
then i pon memberanikan diri call specialist terus la consult. then specialist came.
yes dear, specialist came but not the MO.specialist suruh kasi bicarb la kan sebab hco3 die kan sangat low.
i rase cam je tunjuk plan tu kat muke si mo tu.

anyway ari ni my colleague kan.kiteorg nephro unit, kene cover Haemodialysis unit juge kan. so kalau ade patient tetibe bleeding from IJC site ke ape site ke kene pergi attend. patient ade chills and rigors during Haemodialysis pon kene attend terus. And ari ni nak dijadikan cite 5 discharge and 4 new cases yang 3 of them nak kene buat peritoneal dialysis.
Then bos lak buat round kul 4. then mane la sempat nak buat PD sume. Sempat buat satu. tu pon xsempat nak lunch break pon kan.xkesah la kan. then ward 8 call la (2nd class ward) cakap ade patient gasping. die kate die dh call MO yang tersebut tapi Mo tu xnak attend. MCM WTF la kan?then mase tu i tgh buat PD and my colleague pon same then cakap kat nurse tu suruh call MO again. pastuhhhhhhhhhhhhh MO tu jawab die bz.
I rase die busy tidor je..die jaga satu ward jeee?ari ni xde klinik pon?ape je lagi?ala macam xtau la kan.i penah cover die waktu specialist tanye mane MO?die mase tu g beli nasi utk adik ipar die and beli lauk kat pasar. mase tu rs cam boleh tahan lagi tapi from ari ni bubye la.
lepas tu my colleague berlarii la g attend patient tu.dh la minah ni oncall.i pulak siapkan another 2 PD and mende remeh2 dlm ward. Pastu kul 7 tadi i received a call from my colleague suara stress gile cakap patient tu passed away and that damn MO x attend langsung.
teruk kan?
sangat irresponsible kan?
sume staff nurses so far yg saye pergi sume ward la kan sume xsuke die
sume cakap die eksen terer.
xtau la camne die nak jaga family die kalau perangai macam hantu.
oh sia2 je cakap sal mamat ni.
xgune langsung.
tambah dosa je.
ok sekian

lalala

I never tot that I will meet a patient as young as 27 y.o with MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION!
27 y.o married with 1 child.
The only risk factor- Smoking!!!
We did an angiogram on him and found red thrombus in his LAD.
Wow!!
Macam x percaye je kan 27 y.o with MI.
And he was actually mistreated as having gastritis when he actually presented with typical history of chest pain at GP.
Mesti diorg tersalah sebab ingat die too young to get MI.
Or maybe doctor yang tengok die tu yg induction pon blum pegi lagi tapi dh buat locum.
well i dont know.
ok nanti sambung balik.
ade ward called.
(tengah oncall.hahaha)

Acute Myelopastic leukemia

I have a patient.
He is a 51 y.o supernice gentleman.
He is diagnosed with AML in February/March 2010.
He was admitted last week for his 3rd chemo.
His initial WBC was 8.9. After 5days of admission/chemo; his WBC is 1.
His BP is in lowish side.
He has temperature of 39.5.
He is in sepsis.
But that was not things that i want to talk about.
This pakcik, made me cried few times.
I was so attached with him eventho i just knew him for a week.
He is married with 3children. The eldest is 15y.o and the youngest is 10y.o.
He was a tukang rumah before he got sick.
He was unable to work for the past few months for his illness.
He is currentlty under Kebajikan Masyarakat and received at most Rm300 a month.
When we saw him in d hospital prior to his admission for chemo, my specialist asked him;
"Pakcik, ni nak balik rumah ni pakcik nak naik ape?"
"xper doctor. Nanti pskcik cari kereta tambang"
"Xper pakcik. Pakcik ade duit ke tu?Kalau xder ssye boleh organisekan ambulance utk pakcik".
"xper doctor. Biar orang yang lagi susah dari saye naik. saye boleh cuba usahakan"

Then he went back with the taxi. He was again admitted for chemotherapy. When i wanted to give his chemo-cytarabine high dose, he asked me;
"Doctor, agak2 lepas ni pakcik boleh makan x?skarang ni rase tak sedap dah. lepas chemo lagi teruk. Dah la makanan hospital ni tawar rasenye"
"xpe pakcik insyaAllah. Saye bagi pakcik ubat kumur utk ilangkan rase sakit2 dalam mulut pakcik tu.Pastu pasal makan tu pakcik kirim kat adik2 student nurses ni. Saye sendiri kirim kat diorg je."
"takpelah.esok pakcik kirim sebabnya orang rumah pakcik takleh dtg 2 hari ni. takde orang nak jaga anak2 kat rumah dan anak2 pakcik ada aktiviti dekat sekolah dia"
Then the next day i came he asked me for a sweets. He was nauseated even after given him IV Kytryl(5HT3 antagonist).I gave him few and he wanted to pay for that.
Tak tau kenapa tapi sangat tersentuh when pakcik tu keluarkan purse dia utk bayar gula2 tu. Gula2 tu 20sen je mungkin harga die tapi die still nak bayar. Macam kalau orang lain bagi rm 5 pon tentu xdenye nak bayar kan. Tapi utk orang susah macam dia yang duit tak seberapa rm0,20 pun masih mahu membayarnya. I dont know how to express it tapi macam dia orang yang jujur dan baik hati la.
Then the next day i datang review him again. He told me regarding his children and while was telling me the stories about his children he was sheding his tears. Statement yang saya akan ingat sampai bila2;
"kadang2 bila terfikir saya ni takk lama serba tak kena saya. Anak2 kecik lagi. Yang bongsu tu kalau cakap pakcik nak masuk hospital nangis2 taknak kasi pakcik pergi. Yelah die kecik lagi mungkin xfaham yang dalam hidup ni semua akan mati. Saya tak tau macam mana diorang nak makan lepas ni. Yang orang rumah pula tak tau nak buat kerja sangat, Kalau x boleh jual2 kuih ke. Anak pakcik pandai2. CIkgu sayang diorg. Sedih kalau tgk kadang2 diorg makan xcukup lauk. Tapi tu yang mampu pakcik dapat sekarang ni."
And guess what?keluar je from bilik pakcik tu i went to the toilet and cried. Macam rase jahatnyeeeee diri ini selama ini. Makan beli lauk banyak2 then x abis. Elektrik pakai x berjimat. Baju tak suke buang.=(

Sorry.Mungkin ade yang bosan dengan entry yang xde kaitan sangat pon dgn ape2 n mungkin xdifahami tapi saya rase nak menulisnye. I dont think im capable of doing oncology. I cant control my own feelings. I am so attached to them. I was enthusiastic enough to find the patient;s hse just to give him his medications. I scold people for lambat ambik chemo drugs. I gave my phone numbers to my patient just so they could contact me if anything happens and so many other things that i have done just because i am emotional and attached to them. Mungkin terover EMPATHY.huhu

adamayaa

Falling in love is d easist thing to do.
and letting go is d most difficult thing to do.
somehow when i watched adamaya and when i heard already gone by kelly and separuh jiwaku pergi by anang i felt sorry to myself.
i cant explain why but it breaks my heart.:(

=)

Pls, pls,
ramai la new HO masuk HRPZ 2.
pls
pls.
sangat penat.
kami hanya ade berape ketul H.O je skang.
tu tak tolak yang sesuke hati nak meng EL kan diri.
penat.
FULL STOP.
Tapi tadi postcall pon sempat lepak2. Mengswimmingkan diri kat kondo, melepakkan diri makan2 kat tepi sungai dan juge membowlingkan diri.
Ok la tu kan?haha.
Anyways sape nak kawen june cepat booked. dah more than 10 ni wedding invitation i dapat for june ni.hahaha