udah lama tidak berblogging. hahaa. i have so much to say but too lazy to write.=D i think the laziness correlate with my weight. i have been gaining so much weight for the past few years especially after the miscarriage 4 yrs ago and that contribute to my laziness. Denial. hahaa. Any RCT done for this hypothesis?i bet the p value must be less than 0.05 and it is statistically significant. hahaha. Anyway anyway today i want to talk about mom's guilt. sebab sudah lama tidak berblogging i have to re-introduce myself. hahaha. i am a pretty mother to 2 lovely kids..kakak isha is 6 years old and adik nina is 5 years old. they r my very precious kids and i love them sooooooo muchh!!!

i am the typical asian mom but always in denial so i send my kids to brainy bunch. it is a montessori kindergarten. so basically the kids will play around and they will initiate their learning process. Tiada paksaan dalam belajar. And there is no EXAM. NO TEST! its a good thing for the kids u know. kakak isha is a very hardworking little girl so she catch up very quickly. But nina, being the youngest and being the boss of our house kan so not as hardworking as kakak isha. Last month it come to my sense that she is entering 6 years old and she needs to know how to read properly, do math quickly and learn everything very fast like her big sister. So i push her by sending her to kumon and asked her to finish her worksheet very first. At first she did it very quick and we were quite impressed. Tapi me menjadi tamak so push her harder. My voice getting stronger by days and i used more punishment instead of rewards. (punishment = face the wall longer. normally less than 1 min je sebab mommy cepat kesian but this time 3-4mins gitu). After that i realized her performance deteriorated. She cannot even differentiate between 14, 40, and 44!!!I was so worried and very anxious. Many things came to my mind. I even perform full neurological examination on her. All the cranial nerves and had her eyes checked. But everything turned out to be normal. 

One day i just let her did her Kumon sheet with her sister and i can see that she can do the worksheet very fast and got every answer correctly. Then something came to my mind!I am the one who suppressed her!!!yes!because ive been so pushy and hard on her, she cannot perform!luckily i realize it earlier!alhamdulillah. Memang menangis semahunya la mommy sebab push her and suppressed her. Now ive been very soft with her and use rewards instead of punishment. Nasib la kedai RM2 tu dekat je so murah je reward.hehehe. She progresses very quickly now and im so proud of her. Kumon sheets tu mmg tak payah suruh and iqra pon dh start concentrate dah. alhamdulillah.

What doesnt kill you will make u stronger.

Mmed internal medicine

I am sorry for the long silence.it has been a very busy year for me..banjir kelantan 2014 was the worst thing ever.. My house was affected..pindah rumah my aunty at lundang before realised that tali air belakang rumah melimpah and went to kubang kerian..after a night in kubang kerian air start naik from sg dekat area pasir hor..then went to gunong for few days..

Oncall was pretty bad..balik rumah letih everyday..at the same time need to start study for the exam in april..

So mmed..i just want to give a friendly advice to my fellow friends/juniors.. Mmed is not easy..our master programme took us at least 4 yrs to complete and according to recent statistic, only 30% grad on time..so u can  imagine how difficult it is..we were given cuti bergaji penuh but mind u its not bercuti at all..ur cuti is basically limited to 14 days per sem..and u need to work everyday plus oncall as per scheduled.. Pergi kelas only during intensive course and tu pon some hosp kene oncall as well..exam?thats the critical part..

For part 1, int medicine..we were divided into 2 part; theory and clinical..some of the hosp allowed study leave but some didnt..it actually up to ur head of dpmnt../

So for us in our hospital we were allowed a week study week during theory exam and only 1 day during our clinical exam..

Masa exam theory 6 of us sangkut from 23..then masa clinical exam pulak only 6 of us passed..6 out of 23..so u can imagine how tough it is..but thats because we want to be a physician so we need to be really good...

utk amik exam tu only God knows how much tears shedded and how big the sacrifice made..so guys u really really need to be tough..and for clinical exam practice, practice, practice..

Banjir kelantan - updated

Alhamdulillah my brother sampai rumah dgn selamat..ade luka2 sket and terhantuk kepala..other than that sakit badan je lah lawan arus kan..plus die berpaut kat pokok for 2 hours before bantuan sampai..both of them were traumatised..my father pon traumatised..mende tu happened around 630am..gelap gelita..mad saw usop dibawak arus but he couldnt do anything..die sempat pegang my cousin iskandar je from kene hanyut sebab iskandar pun jatuh..he was lucky sebab terhantuk pokok and sempat pegang kat pokok tu..masa nak angkat badan naik pokok tu memang susah sangat die kata sebab air too laju..tapi Allah nak selamatkan dia lagi..alhamdulillah..

Hari ni banjir dah makin surut..we havent gone to rantau panjang yet today tapi hoping that everything will pulih soon..i should be in kuala lumpur today for my close friend's wedding tapi cancelled sebab tak sampai hati nak tinggal my dad and my brothers..my father was really traumatised sebab he was informed that he already lost his son..2 hrs almost 3 baru ade org call cakap his son was safe...alhamdulillah..

Banjir besar kelantan 2014

Banjir besar kelantan this year..hujan sehari setengah je tapi cepat sangat2 air naik..i warned my dad yesterday pm cakap kuala krai dh banjir..die dh prepare ke angkat barang semua kat kedai kat rantau panjang.die kata dah.but around pukul 130am he received a call kata air dh masuk bandar rantau panjang..bergegas die pergi sana sorang2 sebab nak tgk situasi mcm mana.. usually kalau naik air pon sikit je..kul 4 lebih die call mintak bantuan my brothers.both of them pergi..naik hyundai matrix..dh agak tinggi la kalau kire..pastu sampai gual tinggi rantau panjang takleh masuk sebab air tinggi sangat..they patah balik pergi amik hilux my cousin kat pasir mas..then sampai rantau panjang 2 adik beradik tu with cousin iskandar n bibik..air separas pinggang tapi arus sangat laju..my brother asked bibik to stay behind takut bibik tak larat nak lawan arus..diorg bertiga pergi lawan arus to my dad's shop..masa tu around 5am plus then i didnt hear anything from them sampai kul 930..diorg kata line putus2 sebab hujan lebat sangat kat sana..masa tu sejak kul730 i call diorg x angkat..i pergi keje dgn tak senang hati..kejap2 tgk hset nak tgk berita diorg...called my dad my dad suara sedih n stress n few times x angkat phone..my gut feeling said something bad happened..bukan setakat barang kene air ni..and kul 11 my dad finally called saying that my brother kene hanyutkan air laju..tgh mintak org carikkab..masa tu ya Allah tuhan saja yang tahu betapa luluhnya jantung ni..masa tu nak start meeting department..i asked my boss nk balik nak pergi rantau panjang cari my brother.. I ran home and was crying all the way home..then i got a call again from my father cakap alhamdulillah usop, mad and iskandar selamat..usop hanyut tapi ahamdulillah die tersangkut kat pokok and ade pakcik tlg selamatkan die..ahamdulillah..mad dgn iskandar pulak sempat pegang sesama diorg and berjaya diselamatkan oleh people around them..i called my sister in laws both to explain the situation..they rushed home..aisyah at klinik kesihatan bachok kene rentas hujan jugak n banjir nugak..while sarah plak dekat same hospital with mine cuma different department...mad n iskandar alhamdulillah selamat dok dgn my dad and my uncle sebab ade bot boleh pergi to kedai my father from their location..cuma usop sampai ke saat ini still kat rumah pakcik yang tolong dia tu and trapped with another 5 people inside..dah call bomba tapi bomba x dapat pergi sebab arus kuat sangat..now pukul 6pm still  kat sana awaiting tentera pulak.. Ya Allah ya Rabbi kau selamatkan lah adik2ku, ayah ku, kaum keluargaku dan semua rakyat kelantan..semoga semua selamat..tolong doakan semuA

lamenye tak update

Huwaa lamenye tak update blog..
hehe..busy yang amat..mother with 2 kids kan..
plus stress asek buat roster subrotation and oncall..
tak campur dgn case reports, presentation, audits etcetera..
penat yang amat..
balik rumah usually main dgn my double princess and layan diorg..
marissa is 2years plus already..
banyak words dah and dah paham banyak benda...
benda paling x best and will always be my worst nightmare "mommy jangan lah work, pleasee?"
huwaaa hancur luluh hati ni...huhu
tapi mommy kene kuat semangat..mommy nak jadi doktor yang baik..
yang ikhlas tolong pesakit2...insyaAllah..
keje memang stressful but sometimes rasa sangat best..macam hari ni kat klinik i met my previously critically ill patient..i thought she wont make it..tapi alhamdulillah kuasa Allah..
She was admitted with severe dengue...yes dengue boleh membunuh ya..remember that!
She had underlying thallasemia not on regular packed cell transfusion. She came in on day 2 of fever with rapid decline in her hemoglobin which means in other word- occult bleed somewhere..Apart from that she had metabolic acidosis and plasma leakage...She was ventilated in ICU with high ventilatory setting and requiring 4 inotropic support. Her kidneys shut down and she required CVVH- a method of dialysis.. Tapi alhamdulillah berkat doa her parents and semua kite dapat wean off her from ventilator and also dialysis. Dialysis buat total 6x je if im not mistaken...
Today she came to our clinic all smiling..Rasa happy yang amat sangat..I told her u almost make me cried before...memang masa tu i almost nak nangis pon sebab tgk parents die nangis..she is 20years old. still young kan?
Benda macam ni lah yang buat im happy with all the workload, stress and everything.. even sometimes they didnt really know and remember us tapi tgk they walk and smile macam buang segala jenis penat lelah and the feeling is so beautiful that words couldnt describe it..
hehe..
ok from today on ill write regularly in my blog..hehe...take care!

dengue

I have been very busy lately..
dengue naik mendadak2...
so far we had 3 official wards opened for dengue plus 2 minor wards...
memang hurricane kat hrpz ni..
dengue=medical..
therefore tahu2 la kan camne kiteorg..
lintang pukang..keje memang penat sangat2 rase..
dengue is simple...the treatment is water..so kasi drip je..
but dengue sangat tricky..
tak kasi patient boleh meninggal..
terlebih kasi may lead to fluid overload..
so u need to be really careful with ur drip..
disebabkan keterukkan yang melanda ni kiteorg terpaksa pinjam HO and MO from other department...
terpaksa jugak tambah oncall people jadi 5 orang per night..
bayangkan in a night kiteorg dapat 25 dengue MALE admission...in one night!bare in mind ni after office hour..
Rase nak terpengsan tak?
And dengue ni nak kene review very frequent..so kadang2 dok kat meja staff nurse sementara menunggu next review..
my friend yesterday terpaksa bukak puasa dgn air kosong sahaja sebab tak sempat nak g cari diet org oncall and tak sempat nak kirim makanan..plus tak berani nak tinggal patient...
tapi ape lah nak dibandingkan dengan penderitaan rakyat di palestin kan?
mereka lagi teruk nak dibandingkan dgn kite...
makan, tidur, mandi, beribadat semuanya tak tenang..
mereka boleh syahid bila2 masa sahaja...
semoga mereka dirahmati oleh Allah swt dan mendapat kegembiraan di akhirat sana...
kita yang masih aman damai ni despite the crime rates yang meningkat, penyakit yang bertambah, etc kite still ade our family utk bukak puasa bersama, tdo bersama n solat bersama...

Medical certificate

Last week i received a call from a clerk of srk xx. Its not normal for me to receive a call from a school clerk. Kalau from hospital biase la kan or bank ke org tipu kredit kad ke or maybe kalau frm srk zainab 2 pon mungkin tak pelik sangat. Ni sekolah jenis kebangsaan. Macam pelik lah kan. Memang lah plan nak hantar my beloved princess to srk jenis kebangsaan tapi bukan lah that particular school. She was asking me regarding one medical certifiate issued by me a few days before. Memang my signature and my cop kat situ cuma yang diorg pelik ade orang potong "satu" hari tu n tulis "dua" hari. That particular mc was issued by me from klinik.

Weird.

Jarang i potong mc. N tak penah lagi so far kalau patient kat klinik i kasi mc for two days. Unless stroke and tu pon bukan dua hari lagi. Obviously lagi lama. I almost kene tumbuk dgn patient dulu kot sebab taknak kasi mc. Saya sangat kedekut mc sebab for me kalau setakat selsema tu tak payah la kot mc. I takde suara pon tak mc biar demam bagai separuh nak collapse pon. Waktu hyperemesis gravidarum dulu pon i still went to hospital and buat keje with plastic dalam poket and branula on hand. Siap oncall lagi.

Eh anyway berbalik kepada yang tadi. Pelik kan?so i went to clinic and tgk buku mc tu. Sah! Memang sah saya tulis sehari sahaja. Waktu tu serba salah. Should i help her? Kalau saya tak tolong die camne kalau die kene tindakan tatatertib? Kesian pulak die nanti? Then i fikir jugak kalau saya tolong dia bukan ke bermaksud saya tidak amanah? Saya bukan setakat berdosa dgn majikan dia, murid2 dia tapi saya pecah amanah maksudnya saya berdosa dgn Allah jugak. Bayangkan kalau anak2 saya one of the murid dalam kelas tu? Cikgu tak datang mengajar? Rugi sedikit ilmu kan? Oleh itu dgn teragak2 saya call balik and tanya ada tak initial saya and sama tak tulisan tu which of course lah tak sama n takde initials pon. Saya pon terpaksa bercakap benar and i know truth hurt but kalau saya berbohong?and cikgu tu actually tak amanah jugak. Kalau betol or katakanlah dia memang sakit, she should have gone to any of the clinics to have a check up again. Betol tak?